Who tells our story?

I’ve been thinking a lot recently, for me as a chronic over-thinker and Aquarius moon, not a surprise —- more specifically I have been working through the idea of misunderstandings. In life, there are things we do not get to control. We can control our actions and reactions, but we can not control how other people understand and see us. We, ourselves, are guilty of this, we all have a world of ideas and rules built from our own personal experiences that then gets projected on to the people around us, for better or for worse. It’s not anyone’s “fault” exactly nor is it problematic in its own right, but with 8 billion people running around there are bound to be those we just won’t mesh with — now whether that is a product of our biases/projections or a product of interpersonal actions unrelated to our judgements, is up for debate. But that is a whole tangent I will not let myself get in to now lolol(did I mention I may have ADHD?) anyways…

These situations can feel incredubly targeted when one side of the interaction “vibes” with said person and well, to put it blunt the other doesn’t. Sometimes these can be based on misunderstandings of character, projections, or triggers even, the reason is undistinguishable which yes I do find very annoying thank you for asking. I like to smooth things over and I like to be a clear communicator, so of course when those skills aren’t “enough” it seems, I myself can get triggered despite my 2+ years of ongoing therapy. Because it is fully out of my control how someone else views me, even if I feel the judgement is uncalled for or “not fair”. We as people are probably constantly correctly and incorrectly reading people —- intentions be damned.

Once I surrendered to the lack of control in this area — I felt relieved and free to an extent. We are not responsible for how others view us, only our own intentions and the way we act against them , AKA don’t sweat the part outside of our control. And although these one-sided connections may hurt, they are not a reflection of our character always. Often when these things just “don’t work out”, it’s because they were never meant to. And as I have DEFINITELY learned over time, it hurts a lot more to hold on to connections that are falling apart then to let them go. Doesn’t make the letting go any easier, but it soothes the pain as to speak. As Lana Del Rey says in Kintsugi, “you just have to let it break a little more, cause they say that’s what it’s for, it’s how the light gets in” And it’s ok if you need some time away from feelings and avoid too many interactions in order to be ready to confront and feel emotions once more, it’s alright to shut it all down for awhile. A time will come again when you are ready to (talked about in my “link to being your own parent here”/inner child healing). And in the meantime… I hope you too can remember that how others see you does not speak for your character more than your own voice does! bye 4 now! xoxo